Feeling far away

There comes a point when parents and friends leave, rain falls, money runs low and Monday rolls around when sometimes the glamour of it all gets buried in routine, tedious work, and an overwhelming feeling that I cannot really categorize as anything in particular. There are no highs without mediums and lows, but I find myself sitting here feeling a little empty - craving something (other than food for once) to feel right inside. I think I need to go for a run, it has been a while....

Today I had my internship, and it was nice to be back in the office after a week of being away. Most of my day was spent editing the CV's into the new format which can become very tedious and very frustrating when the program hates you and you start to feel like an old lady with an aching back after being hunched over a computer all day. Robert and Gordon certainly keep me entertained with funny stories and comments, but there is always a lot to do and not a lot of time to breathe - constant questions, to do lists keep growing, and the phones hate me - I have to dial numbers like three times before it connects because I can never remember what numbers to drop or add to make it go through. But we went out to lunch, to break up the day - I ate the sandwich I packed and the boys had these huge backed potatoes smothered in cheese- maybe the emptiness I feel is from not having eaten that delicious cheesy potato.. :) Not to mention, the whole time we talked about taxes, stresses, and things we had to get done - things ether way over my head or had to do, so I kind of kept to myself.

After we got back to the office and were blown off yet again by a guy who missed his appointment a couple weeks ago, we put CV and head shots together to send to a very well-known casting director who is casting the new musical Sister Act coming to the West End. We submitted about 15 clients, but apparently it is hard to get most clients seen for big casting calls such as this one - Rob says he probably already has the cast formulated in his head and is just seeing people as protocol - some things never change from high school.

So my day was kind of monotonous, but always fun to be with the guys. Not to mention, we witnessed an arrest going on down the street below- I think a guy stole something...that was entertaining. The whole street had their heads jutting outside their windows as if we hadn't seen something like this a million times on TV. I thought there was a celebrity sighting or something - much to my dismay all the attention was for a thief....bummer.

I am now heading back to the flat to watch some more Gossip Girls on DVD (which is my new addiction), as well as edit my theatre paper. If it wasn't so cold, I would go for a run or workout or do something active to kick in the endorphins - it is days like today I really miss having a gym to go to.

I am skyping Lynnie tonight, and I miss her so much, so that will be good. Mom and Don are now in Paris where the weather is cold and rainy, but I think they are making the best of it. It seems everyone is all spread out - maybe that is what I am feeling - the feeling of being far away from everyone. It is Brezny's birthday and I miss being able to easily pick up the phone and call - it is such a production to communicate with people, and I hate how frustrating it is when the phone disconnects. I guess that is it - I am not just far away, I am far away and not able to easily reach people, which makes me feel even more far away.

I am not sad or lonely, that is not the right word, I think it is more a realization that not everyday is going to be thrilling and exciting and that even some days I am going to miss home. But that feeling will probably pass in ten minutes. I think I am just jealous that Gordon and Rob left me in the office while they went off to a film premiere and after party - I wish I could be doing things like that. Then again, I am only 19 and 3/4 (it's coming up....), I guess I have a lot of time for all of that and being the intern is not always glamorous. I get that. But it still doesn't stop me from wishing I was going too.

Time to head home, see what the evening will bring. More tomorrow :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY B!

Love and hugs,
Jenny