In the middle :)

Pussycat dolls has this song called "when i grow up." Its redundant and annoying and it runs through my head without fail mostly everyday because Robert is a big fan of the Pussycat Dolls - figures :). But it does get you to thinking - when you are little you think about your life in terms of what you want to be when you grow up - a firefighter, a teacher, a singer, an actress - the list is limitless. Now that I am almost 20, I am starting to wonder when being a kid stops and being grown up begins. I still look at my sister as if we are 8 and 10 playing barbie world in the basement - but she is a grown up, with a real job, a real apartment and a real boy friend. And here I am, living this fantasy life in London with none of the above - and while that seems on the surface to be really great and exciting, this precious none-grown-up period eventually fades into the real world - and if it is anything like the MTV show, I don't want to participate :) I want to stay right in this nook forever of being in between. Britney Spears laments about being not a girl not yet a woman - I say... fine by me! 

But then again, even while in the middle, we still face grown up things everyday - like realizing we cannot eat whatever we want to and not gain a pound, that our bank accounts are not unlimited, that our choices matter and have consequences. So here I am in the middle, still growing up, still finding my way. 

Today I woke up and took a jog which totally sucked because I had no energy, and while it was a beautiful morning (figures because my parents flew out this morning right as the weather began to get better :( miss them already) I got kind of lost and couldn't find the park I was hoping to get to (does that surprise you?) and just felt crappy the whole time. This was my attempt to be healthy and work off the bloated feeling I have in my stomach. 

Because the problem is, I have no will power in this country and there are so many delicious foods to eat. So I need to keep active to make sure that food doesn't find a home on my ass. It's a work in progress - I ate better all day, UNTIL after yet another boring history class and taking some time to catch up on emails, Andrea and Lindsay (my grand big in my sorority who has been visiting from Charlotte the past week) went to a family dinner (missed you little Alex :) at this Belgium Pub where I had delicious chicken in this honey mustard dressing with belgium fries- which were kind of sweet yet salty and so delicious. 

GREAT.... here I am trying to be healthy and they throw all this deliciousness in front of me... (granted I ordered and paid for it BUT STILL....) it is not fair... I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted and still be a stick - but this is what I mean - this is growing up and making choices and dealing with the fact that I followed that meal with a belgium waffle dessert completely depleting my half ass run from this afternoon.... and now I have to deal with it.

WILL POWER JENNY.... gosh I need to get me some of that....

Anyways, enough about food and calories - it was simply on my mind as I sit here waiting for my food to digest :) Other than class and dinner, the rest of my day was filled in with getting ready for my weekend trip to Scotland tomorrow! We leave bright and early.... SUPER EARLY. We are taking a train from Kings Cross Station into Edinburgh and from there we will be taking guided tours and exploring the city! I am so excited, plus we get to stay in a hotel which will be soo amazing! With a TV!!! (these things are important to me :) So that means expect a notewrothy blog on all of this on Monday - we do not get back until late on Sunday :) So instead of my blog- read the paper, catch up on politics, and then advise me who to vote for - I am so out of it.... I SHOULD be grown up and put more effort toward this election.... it is hard to do an ocean away. 

So as I am on the train tomorrow, avoiding the Pussycat Dolls on my Ipod, I will be thinking not of calories and stress, but rather of the exciting opportunities I have in the future - even beyond this trip. Being grown up means a lot of exciting things too and so while I will take my time to get there - getting there (Lynnie- does this phrase not make you laugh?...think mk and ash olsen pre eating disorder...) is not a destination, but rather a new chapter. And if it is anything like this one, bring it on :)

Love and hugs,

Jenny